There were times when I would feel so little and incapable, when I would feel unable to pass trials, when I would feel alone, or when I would feel discouraged; and I would ask God to just take my life. I know these thoughts are irrational and impure. Yet my melancholic heart would cause me to cry so hard at times, and ask the Father to bring me to His kingdom so I won’t experience pain again – no more hardships, no more drama – and so I can sing praises to Him forever, just as it’s written in Revelation 21:4. I still pray, though, for the negative thoughts to never come back.
Jesus hasn’t come back yet because of 2 Peter 3:8-9.
I remember one night when my impatience and unreasonable thoughts dominated again. I asked God: Lord, why can’t you just come back now and get me? I’m too weak for this world. A few days later, He answered my inquiry through my devotion. “With the Lord, a day is like a thousand years, and a thousand years are like a day. The Lord is not slow in keeping His promise, as some understand slowness. Instead, He is patient with you, not wanting anyone to perish, but everyone to come to repentance. (2 Peter 3:8-9)” These verses reminded me how selfish I can be. Life is not just about me after all. God wants to give others more time to come to repentance. He doesn’t want to settle with the number of Christians today. God wants multitudes of people – everyone, in fact – to receive the Lord Jesus Christ as their Savior and be sealed with the Holy Spirit.
And I’m still here; I’m still alive.
Although it’s hard to believe at times, the truth is there’s a reason why I’m still here. God still wants to refine and sanctify me; God still wants to use me in bringing people to repentance; God still wants to send me somewhere to serve His people; God still has a purpose for me. And he has a purpose for you as well.
If you are like me, if you’ve also asked God to just take your life for whatever reason, I pray that you and I would be reminded that God has a purpose for us, and that purpose is related with His own purpose. If your specific/personal task is yet to be revealed to you, please know that generally and ultimately, our purpose is to glorify Him in everything we do (1 Corinthians 10:31), and to obey Him and be purified by His blood (1 Peter 1:2). We are to love God above all, and to love our neighbors as ourselves. (Mark 12:30-31) Also, He wants to use us in bringing the gospel to the nations and in making disciples.
His ways are Higher than ours.
For now, even if it’s hard to trust the uncertainties, let us rest in the fact that His ways are always higher than our ways, and His plans are to prosper us and not to harm us. Therefore, no matter how cruel things could get, no matter how draining the circumstances are, let us rely on His promise that He will never leave us nor forsake us (Deuteronomy 31:6). The Holy Spirit is with us in our battles. We can talk to Him and seek comfort. And I know it’s easier said than done, but please let us not be discouraged, and just continue fighting the good fight of faith. One day everything will make sense when we hear God say: “Well done, good and faithful servant; you were faithful over a few things, I will make you ruler over many things. Enter into the joy of your Lord.” (Matthew 25:21)
Let’s also pray for God to help us think only what is true, honorable, just, pure, lovely, commendable, excellent, and praiseworthy (Philippians 4:8), so we could get rid of negativity and suicidal thoughts. It’s possible in Jesus’ name! 🙂
I hope this has encouraged you in some way. May our good God comfort and remind you of His love and promises every day. 🙂
With you in Spirit,